By Timothy J. O’Brien, MS

“I recently resigned as the person in charge of running the Universe. It was a self appointed position. And, I gladly accepted my resignation.” (Note to myself)

Have you ever caught yourself fuming inside? Maddened by an internal dialogue about what another person should do with their life? Have you ever said, “If they’d only do this, they wouldn’t have a problem”? Do you have a habit of finding fault, criticism and aloof sarcasm and quippy responses either internal or aloud?  If so, join the crowd! I had a difficult time with it. Now it is better. Not gone, but much better.

How did I begin to control the role I played as a “know it all”? I resigned from the position! I’m sure that sounds silly or absurd, however, that was what I wanted. I needed to make the behavior appear as it actually is: worthless. I held a small formal ceremony in front of a mirror. I was the only attendee, as I was the person who had appointed myself to the position. I told my reflection that I no longer felt comfortable or qualified to be the center of the universe. After the solitary laughter subsided, I solemnly accepted my resignation.

Then I wrote myself some notes on behavior patterns that were no longer acceptable or appropriate. Here are some of those notes to myself. Consider them for yourself.

1) Let others be. They are their own person. I often don’t know what is right for myself. How can I presume to know what is good for others?

2) Listen more than I speak. Through listening, understanding the situation, views and actions of others usually follows.

3) Watch children, both at play and in serious discussion. They have a way with simplicity. When they are happy, they laugh. When sad, they cry. Don’t complicate living.

4) Think the best of others. And, feel surprised when it isn’t true. Cynicism is easy. Having optimism and confidence in others is a greater challenge, but more functional.

5) When in doubt, don’t. Think until clear on a subject. Then, speak, if needed, in a plain, direct way.

6) Discuss the negative and embarrassing in private. Have compassion for the feelings and ideas of others. Never make a joke at another person’s expense.

7) When there is a choice, be kind. Encourage whenever possible.

Look for the good in others. Forgive the negative. Avoid those who show no interest in self-improvement. Avoid those who take joy in demeaning others.

9) Remember, “we all arrived on different ships, but we’re in the same boat now.” All humanity has a connection. Emphasize the common points of agreement, not the points of contention.

10) A corollary to #9, “since we’re all in the same boat, let’s row in the same direction.” Find strength in cooperation, not through condescension.

If you’ve never acted like the center of the universe, perhaps you gained insights about someone who has. If you have spent a day or two at the center, hopefully you’ve found the courage to  resign. Your mirror awaits you